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Analysts say preparations are underway for a second nuclear blast in North Korea. They can tell from aerial photographs showing an “unusual pattern of human activity� - in particular, all the running away.

If North Korea does detonate a second bomb, the global community has only itself to blame. For a week now, analysts have been mocking the size of Kim Jong Il's… uh… weapon - calling it “tiny,� “pretty small� and “insignificant.� Come on! He may be an authoritarian nutbar despot, but that doesn't mean he's not, you know, sensitive about it.

And then a couple days ago - word came that it wasn't nearly as big as he had told China it was going to be. Don't get me wrong: Afterward, China told him the size doesn't really matter, but then China went into the washroom with Japan and South Korea and Kim could totally hear them giggling.

An elementary school south of Boston has outlawed traditional recess games such as tag because they're deemed too rough for kids. Educators say it's the right of American schoolchildren to grow up in a safe environment, protected from injury, right up until they start shooting each other.

Tributes are beginning to pour in for Kofi Annan, who at the end of the year will step down as U.N. secretary general after a decade in office. Annan is expected to go back to his first love - not having to resist the urge to bang his head against a brick wall every goddamn day.

Here at home, the big story is Garth Turner getting booted from the Conservative caucus. The MP says he doesn't understand why he got whacked. “I'm baffled,� Turner said, wiping his tears on toilet paper he'd personally stenciled with the face of Stephen Harper.

Meanwhile, Michael Ignatieff says his whole “war crimes� debacle has taught him a lesson. It's taught him, he says, “the importance of words. Getting them right.� In a related story, Conservative strategists looked gleefully at each other this morning and said, “I hope he wins.�

Former premier Lucien Bouchard says his province trails Ontario and the United States economically because the people of Quebec don't work hard enough. Enraged Quebecers pledged a comprehensive fact-based rebuttal of Bouchard's contention by next Wednesday… ish. First week of November at the latest.

In entertainment news (of a sort), Mike Bullard has signed a one-year contract to host a weekday morning talk show on XM satellite radio. The former TV personality says he will apply a sharp wit to comedy routines and segments with guests. Bullard did not saying whose sharp wit he'll be borrowing.

Wesley Snipes is boned. The actor has been indicted on eight counts of tax fraud for allegedly failing to pay nearly $12-million in taxes and failing to file returns for six years. If convicted and sent to prison, he'll probably never act in another movie. If acquitted, life will return to normal which means he'll probably never act in another good movie.

And finally, Lindsay Lohan has told a magazine that by the time she turns 30 she expects to have to have made at least one great record and won an Oscar. You can read all about it in November's edition of Interviews with Celebrities Who Must Have Just Suffered Head Trauma of Some Kind.

That's it. You're weekday updated. And to depart on an inspiring note for a change: Britney Spears has reportedly lost 26 pounds since the birth of her second child. The pop star says it feels so great to be lighter that she doesn't even miss her right leg.